Don't answer the phone

DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE!

Staring at the digits flashing, the glare from my mobile phone feels more like a detectives lamp shining in my face during an intense interrogation. If it's important - they will leave a voicemail. The eternal rule of thumb for any overtly anxious person. So I sit and wait for it to die down, and for the notification to pop up and tell me that whoever it was has indeed left me a voicemail and good lord, the anxiety. Twenty seconds feels like twenty minutes, and lo' - no voicemail. Cue panic stations and the little anxiety monster inside my mind is now fuelling coal on a hot fire, powering the steam engine of doubt.
Why didn't I just answer it? What if it was important? What if they don't call back? Should I call them? I know - I'll google it.
This in itself is always a trap I should know better than to fall into, as nine times out of ten, the wallies of the world will have listed every random phone number known to man online, all with appropriately misleading and terrifying tag lines.
PPI, car accident, debt collector, HMRC, the police, the bank, the phone company and on it goes. There is of course a quick solution to this running of gauntlet. Answer the phone.

I'm sure that the number will call again, and I will recognise the digits as something familiar and duly ignore that one too. This is not a behaviour restricted to unknown callers (and let me tell you, if the word "UNKNOWN" flashes or "BLOCKED" my brain really does do a 180, who would call in such a hidden manner and why?)
It doesn't matter if it is the lady next door, a friend or colleague, the fear that strikes my heart is palpable time and time again and it doesn't get any better.
To a certain extent this aspect of social anxiety has impinged my life, in that, I miss out on opportunities, I can't tell you how many potential interviews I have forgone for fear of answering the phone - and there in lies a critical issue.
I have somehow managed to circumvent the issue throughout my working career, deliberately choosing jobs that would limit the potential of having to face this phobia, but there have been times where I know it has become and issue, and I've had to dig deep and find good excuses to explain my hesitance, or what appears to be lack of action or care.
That is the real danger, when you don't answer your phone, you don't return a call, it looks to the outside world like general ignorance, apathy, disinterest and lack of care all round. If this person can't be bothered to answer the phone, then why bother?
It effects relationships with friends, family, colleagues, and more importantly it renders me completely incapable of running my own life at times.

Missed a bill payment? Disaster. This now requires a phone call. Not just any phone call. This requires acknowledgement, conversation, resolution, and a string of humiliation whether imagined or not. To talk to another human being is one thing, to admit a fault, and take action. Well it all becomes too much.

I have spent many a waking night thinking of the companies I should call and organise payments with, but become so overwhelmed at the thought of it, I'm somewhat paralysed and trapped in a world of inaction. The consequences ironically are - you guessed it - more phone calls! Creditors call to see what's happened, I don't answer, then I become distressed at the thought of calling back and on and on it goes. A cycle of anxiety and fear that ultimately ends costing me a fortune, destroys my credit and tarnishes relationships and reputation all in one.

So just answer the damn phone?

It's still ringing, still flashing.
They will leave a voicemail if it's important.

For help or support surrounding social anxiety, check out these great links :-
http://social-anxiety.org.uk/
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/#.W9LP3IWcHic